So this is it then....

So this is it then - the beginning or the end? It is play-off semi-final day; we should be used to that, this is our third play-off scenario in four seasons, but that does not make us immune to the anxiety, the fear of failure, the temptation to envisage success...

The last day of the season for me was spent at Center Parks in Sherwood Forest wandering around the villa/apartment (what do they call those things?) finding the spot that gave me the best phone signal to track the results on Twitter. It was a pretty gloomy couple of hours; discussing it with my Dad over a beer or ten the night before, I predicted that we would probably lose the game, and get through on the back of other results...which is exactly what happened.

We never get much at Leamington, we didn't this time either. losing 3-2; Oxford City had a comfortable win at Hitchin; Cambridge City almost blew it with a draw against already relegated Swindon Supermarine, but were saved because they finished above Stourbridge who having done so well to get themselves back into contention, only drew 1-1 with Frome, leaving them 5th on Saturday night. Meanwhile, the match at AFC Totton was postponed, which meant nobody knew the final outcome of the play-offs.

For us that meant we are definitely in the play-offs. Mission accomplished. It was Stourbridge fans who had to endure the sleepless nights until Tuesday night when Totton finally played their game against Bedford, and won 2-0, knocking Stourbridge down to 6th, out of the play-offs; leaving Chesham United with tonight's trip down to AFC Totton.

Funny old things the play-offs. As a Chesham fan you have to like them because everytime we have been involved in them, we have never finished in a position that would have earned automatic promotion in "the good old days" before play-offs.  I guess that is what makes it bearable - the stakes are so high, but what have we to lose? (How spooky/ironic - Take That's 'Today this could be the greatest day of our life...." song has just come on the radio).

After all that has gone on off the pitch, I don't mind admitting that it has affected my interest on the pitch and there have been times I have found myself far too blasé when watching what should be big matches. I should be nervous. More angry. More disappointed. More excited. To that end I almost have to thank that linesman at the Berks & Bucks Cup Final, the anger he enraged in me was a reassurance that that passion is still there, and I really do care as much.

Another reminder of that is the butterflies in the stomach this morning, awaking to the realisation that this may or may not be the last game of the season. Despite the changes that have taken place, it is a season that I started as Chairman. 12 months ago I was deep in discussions with Andy Leese and Jon Meakes about what we wanted to achieve this season and how we were going to do it. This was it, we wanted to get into the play-offs and have a shot at promotion. That is where we are today - two wins away from the Blue Square South. Just read that line again "two wins away from the Blue Square South". That would be a remarkable achievement.

Two years ago we had just been promoted and the brief to Andy and Jon then was to keep us in the Premier - it's taken a long time to get back here, let's not blow it in one season. We exceeded expectations last season, and have built on that this season. To most people reading this that might seem like natural progression, but I really do believe we have been over-achieving - off the field we are chasing the tail of the success on it, we are getting there, but the football on the field is what has taken us forward, and accelerated the ambitions off the field.

Whatever happens tonight, one day I am sure we will look back on this as a great footballing era at the club. I honestly think that as a club (board, officials, supporters) we are almost spoiling our enjoyment by believing that we have some sort of right to be playing at this level or higher, by believing that missing out on promotion would almost be failure, finding the flaws rather than enjoying the positives, by taking for granted that if we don't do it this year, we will be up there again next season. Football doesn't work like that. Ask Chippenham, ask Halesowen. We need to cease the moment, and take today for what it is, an absolutely HUGE football match in the story of Chesham United - let's enjoy it.

And here I fear it again. I really hope we don't allow ourselves to be let down by our own belief that it is our right to go out and win things. This could backfire, and at a risk of opening a huge can of worms and leaving myself vulnerable to criticism of pots and black kettles from my past...

...I wasn't at Leamington, but from what I hear, and what I have heard myself at other games, there were some fans very vocally criticising players during the game. We all pay our  money, we would all do things differently probably, we might play different players, different formations, make substitutions at different times, get annoyed - it's what makes football so great.

However, one simple fact - criticising and slagging off players whilst on the pitch will NOT help our cause. I guess you are entitled, but it will not help. That's a fact. (And even back in the 1990's when I was very critical of some of the Welsh contingent that used to train in Wales, and only be available for Saturday games, I always supported the players when they were on the pitch - even Turbo!). I must admit, I don't like the way that any criticism on the forum seems to be removed, as long as it is not offensive, we should be allowed to have conversations where we express opinions (probably why the forum is so quiet), but not whilst they are on the pitch? Even after the game, you can go and talk to Andy in the bar, he's big enough (metaphorically speaking!) to listen to your opinion, and discuss his - even if you don't agree, but not whilst they are on the pitch.

Tonight we travel to Totton for this massive game, looking for every little advantage we can muster up. As supporters we can help by getting as many of us down there as possible to back the lads. If you are a shouty type person, then let's get together and have a good old shout and sing. That might, just might, help our cause to win the game.

I personally think it will be tragic if we were to use our fan power the other way, and actually disadvantage our side by getting on the backs of players wearing the shirt. Tonight is the end of 12 months bloody hard work, by a lot of people.

To get to where we are tonight has cost tens of thousands of pounds - much of that from individual donations, lots of it from hard work from people running the bar, fundraising (doing stupid walks to Dunstable for FA Cup ties), selling advertising and sponsorship, encouraging people through the terraces; hell of a lot of money. Tonight is about the time so many people have dedicated to the club over the past 12 months. I was Chairman for a lot of that time. I know how much time it took from me, how much strain it put on my life. I saw the effort put in by others first hand, the hours that go into running this football club both on and off the football pitch. The 90 minutes we all love to watch is such a small part of what makes the club tick, to even get XI players onto that pitch at 3.00pm on a Saturday takes unbelievable time, effort and money. Tonight is about seeking the rewards for that time, effort and money put in.

Tonight is going to be tense. It may even end up hugely disappointing and frustrating, but there is a chance for supporters to play their part - either positively or negatively. I believe that for tonight (and hopefully for Monday as well) we can unite as a club to bring the spirit of Weston-Super-Mare, Maidenhead, Nuneaton, Oxford City, etc to the terraces, and attempt to make a contribution to the outcome of the match. I really hope that the few that loudly share their negative comments can wait until the bar after the game, and not jeopardise what could be a great night - The Chesham United I have known and loved is better than that, I hope it hasn't changed.

C'mon The Chesh, let's make tonight cause to dust down the song sheet to 'Men of Chesham'!!